* repeating chat in my head *

For the past two years i have been fighting a war within myself,  (a war that i feel like each battle was lost). A war of making sure that everything i do is correct, everyone i come in contact with is pleased with me and my actions.  So that means even when i am uncomfortable and not happy as long as everyone is, then its okay.  I paint a smile on my face and hold my head high, repeating the chant in my head, and as soon as it start to rain and i feel the paint fading and washing away i immediately re-apply but never forget the chant in my head. I told myself everyday and every spare moment i am enough but it didn’t help, It didn’t help because i didn’t believe a word of it.  I built multiple fake relationships with friends and associate, i kept myself hidden from the world in fear that indeed i was not enough. I wasn’t enough for myself but i wanted to be enough for the world.

I stopped the chant. I stopped the fake smiles and remind myself if it doesn’t make you smile then it not worth it.  I developed a relationship with myself, i was happy with me and i forgot about the world, i forgot about their opinions on my life.  I found joy in being Enough for myself . There is a lot that comes along with being at peace with ones self, you find that everything starts to work out for you. As long as you are ENOUGH FOR YOU.

-Yoruba Beauty 

today message was brought to you by,

ATELOPHOBIA- the fear of never being good enough

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