* repeating chat in my head *
I AM ENOUGH, I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH, I AM ENOUGH.
For the past two years i have been fighting a war within myself, (a war that i feel like each battle was lost). A war of making sure that everything i do is correct, everyone i come in contact with is pleased with me and my actions. So that means even when i am uncomfortable and not happy as long as everyone is, then its okay. I paint a smile on my face and hold my head high, repeating the chant in my head, and as soon as it start to rain and i feel the paint fading and washing away i immediately re-apply but never forget the chant in my head. I told myself everyday and every spare moment i am enough but it didn’t help, It didn’t help because i didn’t believe a word of it. I built multiple fake relationships with friends and associate, i kept myself hidden from the world in fear that indeed i was not enough. I wasn’t enough for myself but i wanted to be enough for the world.
I stopped the chant. I stopped the fake smiles and remind myself if it doesn’t make you smile then it not worth it. I developed a relationship with myself, i was happy with me and i forgot about the world, i forgot about their opinions on my life. I found joy in being Enough for myself . There is a lot that comes along with being at peace with ones self, you find that everything starts to work out for you. As long as you are ENOUGH FOR YOU.
today message was brought to you by,
ATELOPHOBIA- the fear of never being good enough