How do people do it? Go to work, Come home and cook for their family, Clean the house, Raise their clones and sleep enough for the next day tasks. I CAN NOT. There are people out there with a family of 4, full time job, Soccer moms, Ballet Dads, Football families and still have time for girls night out or a family vacation, I mean wow and how. It is encoded in our DNA’S that after a couple of years we will meet someone else and be responsible for that person and after a while we will come together and make little clones of ourselves and do your best to teach and raised them with enough love, attention and still always have time to do more.
I am not even 25 yet, I have no kids, No husband and my only responsibility is to take care of myself and sometimes it seems as if I’m failing at that. I Forget to sometimes eat and can go months without talking to anyone and just focus on work and staying alive to see the next day. I don’t understand how people are able to do so much and still make it look good. Truth is we all have our weak points and mine happens to be making time for all the people i love. I have let relationships crashed because i don’t make time for them, i don’t call or text anyone not because i don’t care but because it skips my mind when i am going through the day making sure today is not the day i finally lose it. I constantly see myself going out my way for people to make up for the fact that i am horrible with keeping any relationship, friendship and even mentorship. I have a full time job and 6 other part time jobs and when people ask me to let one go my excuse is “This is my time to be busy, This is my time to work and focus on me. After kids and marriage i will have no time for any of this”. Someone then asked me but how will you find a husband when you can’t keep a relationship, You are so busy you don’t keep anyone engaged for them to feel as if they have a chance with you.”
It’s been a month since i have been asked this question and till now i have no answer. I have no idea what i am doing and what i want to do. I know the ultimate plan is to be happy and accomplish enough to explain why i have been so busy and to prove that all the fail relationships were worth it. My fear is at the end of the day i’ll regret not making enough time for the right people and maybe lose a soulmate. I am not sorry for the decisions that i have chosen for myself but i am worried that it may affect my ultimate plan. “No matter how busy someone is they will make time for you” but how about if the time i have for them is not enough or appreciated? What do i do then? This is the first time in a long time that i feel i may lose people i love and not because of who i am but because i may not do enough or show them how much i truly love them. Now everyday i find myself asking myself are you doing enough? HELP ME.